WSFS Blog Entry #3
Dealing with Triggers
Triggers can happen at any time, and for any reason. It can be the obvious kind of trigger like anger, sadness, anxiety, or danger, but there could also be triggers of happiness, feeling safe, having a loving memory, or funny memory. Triggers happen, and rather than being scared that they can occur, we should just be aware and honest with ourselves. Recently, I’ve found that I’ve been placed around people who are familiar with how to handle the negative triggers. Luckily, for me, they care about me and are helping me through a tough situation.
Unfortunately, I’ve been going through a lot of life changes, but it’s not all bad. See, a lot is happening all at once and because of the intensity of one of the events that happened in my life, I haven’t been able to focus on everything as much as I’d like. This blog is a great therapeutic outlet. I’ve been questioning every part of who I am, and learning that as long as I know who I am no one else’s opinion of me matters. I will say, in going through this journey of finding myself, I’ve been asking friends and people I trust how they see me. It’s been very helpful for gaining perspective. That’s another thing. This question of “How do you see me?” has a lot of power. Don’t just ask anyone what they think of you because not everyone deserves to tell you what they think of you. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t accept compliments from people, but I am saying that some people want to see you give up. They want to see you stop succeeding. They don’t want you to progress. There’s a difference between someone giving you constructive criticism, and someone who makes you second guess everything you do because of their hangups. We have to be careful who we give our energy to because those are the people you need to block and keep your distance from. Be on the lookout for those who seem happy to see you, but always seem to give you a faint feeling that you shouldn’t trust them.
I’m not only tired physically and mentally, I’m also tired emotionally. A trigger of mine was activated a while ago, the negative kind. I won’t say where or how, but it was. I couldn’t quite place my finger on why it has been so hard to shake this feeling I have of discomfort because I blocked out the words said to me when I was bullied in 6th grade, but the words recently said to me brought back that feeling. See with a trigger sometimes it’s not specific words, it’s how the words make you feel. Sometimes it’s the circumstance. I felt alone back then because it was school and no adults helped me. My parents would’ve, and I know because they did something about it as soon as I told them, but adults that were supposed to take care of me at school failed me, especially when the problem was brought to their attention. And so on this particular instance I cannot bring to light yet, I felt alone. The only person who could help me in this moment was me and because I was in a hostile environment I felt trapped. I was trapped in a sea of negativity I never want to be placed back in. It goes back to after I was bullied, and I forced myself to be the nicest human possible. Not that I would ever want to be mean, but I had to be non judgmental and pristinely careful back then. I’m a little better now making genuine friends but even your closest friends can hurt you and send you into your triggers.
So where am I now mentally? I’m in a careful place. I’m tiptoeing, not that I ever completely stopped. I don’t want to say my guard is up, but I’m just not going to settle for negative people anymore. I’m still going to be myself and accept everyone, but I’m going to be careful with who I let be so close to me and my heart, and I will especially no longer ignore red flags. I don’t have the energy anymore. My advice to anyone who is unsure of someone, keep your distance. Don’t try to make positivity out of someone’s negativity toward you. Yes, I will continue to be nice, but I will not allow just anyone into my life, or my surroundings